One Little Candle

Starting Over

Just as a New year unfolds, I begin a new chapter in my blogging world. I vow to start again, this time on a better note. The last few years have been dark and depressing and although I cannot promise to not have dark and depressing days, I will try harder. 

I begin a new chapter. 

Down

And so I turn to writing once again.

Because right now it is unbearable.

Because I am just human

And I can only take so much, endure so much.

And right now all I can do is cry in silence. And scream without making a sound.

And try and make it through the day.

 

 

 

I Did My Best …

… but my best wasn’t good enough.

I have failed. And I shouldn’t be discouraged, I know.

I should move on. And try and try again. I know.

It’s hard though. To stand up after you fell.

To try and make it again after you failed.

Failure is such a bitch!

Day 15

And so it went – the days of newness and trial and error. And what a rollercoaster it has been. I was so terrified on the first day, got my bearings on the second day, lost my way on the 8th and got back on track on the 10th. A lot of different factors came into play – my health, the weather, life. But here I am, on the 15th day. 

All I can say is that I am trying my very best. And hoping that my best will be good enough. 

I’m hanging in there. 

 

Day 5

It’s turning out to be not that bad – this thing that I am doing. Everything’s scary when you’re first starting but humans are resilient creatures. And so I trudge along. I go along with the flow. There are good days and bad. There are easy days and difficult days. I take it one day at a time. In stride. And hope that all the best that I can do will be good enough.
Day 5. And counting….

Day 1

And so here I am – on the cusp of starting something new. Something I would prefer to write about in the abstract. Just that it’s something new and scary and it makes me double guess myself. Am I doing the right thing? This is what I have decided, I know. Something I have been preparing for. But now that it’s finally here I am panicky and scared shitless.

What the heck have I gotten myself into?

Fever!

Image by Deve82 via Flickr

Cabin fever, that is. Sure we missed a few wintry storms but we are still experiencing gloomy weather conditions. The sky is dark and gray and we have to bundle up with so many layers of clothing, it makes us all look like the Michelin man.

And it is the fact that we are all cooped inside that drives us all nuts. The lack of something to do. There are only so much video games to play, so many movies to watch, so many books to read. And even cooking and baking is gettting old, not to mention adding up to all the lbs. and inches on our frames.

And so we all look forward to some fun in the sun. Blue skies, the sun on our faces, cool breezes and just being out soaking up all the Vitamin D’s.

I have started to look for vacation places. We all spent last summer camping, fishing, swimming and going to the beaches. And I am so looking forward to that. I do hope Spring will come sooner.

‘Cause You Gotta Have Faith

Image via Wikipedia

We finally found a priest that my husband likes. He gives good sermons that are short but full of content. And in this day and age where time is of the essence, that is definitely very important. He makes it in such a way that people can identify and relate to what he’s talking about as opposed to having to contemplate and interpret it in their own way. Which I think is very important. There is a lot that the Catholic faith needs to “update” on. I think it is very restrictive, very conventional and very traditional. Some people, especially those who are embattled with scars of life, do not have the clear mind to think about what the message really mean. And sometimes, some things just need to be spelled out.

Now mind you, I have 12 years of Catholic school upbringing. And all those years I have been a very good Catholic girl. I believed that I will go to hell if I don’t go to church. I still do, at some point. And so it was a struggle – going to church, when I married my husband. Especially because he would rather do household chores and other stuff than go to church. So this – finding a good priest that he likes- is such a blessing to me.

Back to faith. ‘Cause you gotta have faith.

Another Year, Another Life

And so another year has passed. And now life is slowly unfolding a new leaf. Almost everyone is hoping to change for the better, be slimmer, be healthier. Me 4.0!

I am not one for new year’s resolutions. Never made one and have no intention of doing one. I have instead a to-do list. One which I constantly update about once a week or so. Does that make me a short term goal person as opposed to a long term goal?

My to-do list looks something like this :

1. organize dresser
2. shred documents
3. try new recipe – peanut butter chicken
4. sew son’s ripped pants
5. organize pantry

It’s do-able, realistic, and short. My kind of list.