Just as a New year unfolds, I begin a new chapter in my blogging world. I vow to start again, this time on a better note. The last few years have been dark and depressing and although I cannot promise to not have dark and depressing days, I will try harder.
I begin a new chapter.
And so I turn to writing once again.
Because right now it is unbearable.
Because I am just human
And I can only take so much, endure so much.
And right now all I can do is cry in silence. And scream without making a sound.
And try and make it through the day.
… but my best wasn’t good enough.
I have failed. And I shouldn’t be discouraged, I know.
I should move on. And try and try again. I know.
It’s hard though. To stand up after you fell.
To try and make it again after you failed.
Failure is such a bitch!
It’s turning out to be not that bad – this thing that I am doing. Everything’s scary when you’re first starting but humans are resilient creatures. And so I trudge along. I go along with the flow. There are good days and bad. There are easy days and difficult days. I take it one day at a time. In stride. And hope that all the best that I can do will be good enough.
Day 5. And counting….
And so here I am – on the cusp of starting something new. Something I would prefer to write about in the abstract. Just that it’s something new and scary and it makes me double guess myself. Am I doing the right thing? This is what I have decided, I know. Something I have been preparing for. But now that it’s finally here I am panicky and scared shitless.
What the heck have I gotten myself into?